we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Randomize
