ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
