When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
