He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
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Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
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When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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