There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
