oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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