he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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