so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
We talked him into tasing himself.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
