we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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