guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
