the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
