Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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