once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I'm like, not good at living.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
