k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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