dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
