i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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