We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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