The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
