It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
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