i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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