i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
