The maid of honor just puked.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
