The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
We just shotgunned beers for America
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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