If i come over, it means nothing
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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