just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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