when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Randomize
