Cold hands, warm shart.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
