fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
