Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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