u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
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