I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You may now shotgun with the bride
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick