bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.