Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"