Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
