mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
