He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
