god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
