I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
