Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is Oprah even human
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Randomize
