I was born with a shot glass in my hand
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
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