If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
