To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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