Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
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