I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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