That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
