Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
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