I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
home. puking in laundry basket.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
