the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
