What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I stole a fireplace last night.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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