Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
