I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
