i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
