my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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