i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
