You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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