I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
