In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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