Girls should come with a carfax report
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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