i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
