Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
