It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
