Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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