My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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