i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
