Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
