I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
