Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
