She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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